So, my project has come to an end. I slept in a sweatshirt, flannel pajama pants and socks all under a down comforter in hopes to sweat off one last pound (I was 100.5 when I went to bed) and I woke up at 100 on the nose…seriously??? I thought about going for a run just to get it down, but I think I am done.
When I started this process way back in June, I knew I needed to lose weight and I knew I would make it happen because I really had no choice, but I had no idea what the process would be like. Over the past two months this has become so much less about my pictures today and so much more about accomplishing something that I have been trying for years to accomplish without success. I woke up this morning and couldn’t believe that I actually did it. Never in my life have I been happy with my body until about a month ago. The changes that have come from this process are so much more than I ever expected. I take care of myself so much more now than I ever have, and I think that is what I am enjoying the most. I actually feel like I am worth the time and money I am spending on myself (even when I eat a half a bowl of Crisco and butter icing).
Now here is the part when I thank you from the bottom of my heart for a million things. I don’t care how much you roll your eyes, or how much you tell me to shut up, I am going to get all of this out; I know I had this in me all along, but if you had not been a part of it I don’t think I would have found a way to make it happen.
Thank you for teaching me to suck it up and push through it – something I still want to improve upon, but only because I know I can do it now. Thank you for your support when I felt like I wasn’t getting anywhere – to be honest you were the last person I thought would tell me to chill out, but hearing you say that I was doing just fine really helped me to calm down a couple of times. Thank you for getting me to read Atlas which taught me that I have to take control of my life and that nobody is going to put the work in for me – okay I already knew this one on a fundamental level but I didn’t put it into practice as much as I should have. Thank you for checking in with me and making sure that I was on track – sometimes I really wanted to give up but I knew that you would be asking for a progress report and I just didn’t want to disappoint you. Thank you for taking the time to work with me when I have a feeling you didn’t expect me to be very successful at all.
And here is the really personal stuff that I have never shared with anyone so try not to make fun of me too much for it. This is the story of my life: I have never been great at anything ever; I am always good, or better than most, but never great. I graduated high school and college with something like a 3.89 GPA, but couldn’t quite make it to the 4.0. I was a starter on my lacrosse team but never the top scorer, not even in one game. My coach called me “little Rudy” which meant that I had a lot of heart but just didn’t really have the talent to be great. In my work I have always been a top performer but never THE top performer, not one month ever. I guess what I am saying is that I am used to ALMOST being great, and I have accepted that this is just kind of my place in the world. I know I am not up to your bodybuilding standards or competition material, but I did set out to do something and for once I actually did it. No ALMOST this time. I don’t know if I can put into words what a tremendous accomplishment that is for me and how much it has changed me.
So thank you. Thank you for your time, energy, and effort. If it weren’t for you, your excellent life coaching skills, and your hard work as a trainer, I don’t know if I would have found what I have found inside of myself. Yes, I lost twenty pounds – well 19.5 – which really isn’t a big deal in the grand scheme of things, but I can truly say that my life has changed completely over the past ten months and I have never been happier.